Life here, and especially dealing with young people, can be a lot like watching an ’80s movie, in that everybody thinks they’re cool because they all act and dress and speak in a certain way and snicker and make flicky eye gestures at anybody who doesn’t, while to you they all look smackably ridiculous. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen a cluster of teenage boys suddenly take a break from fixing each other’s perms and realigning their hair pins just to give me a cock-eyed smirk. “Look at that bozo,” they say. “He doesn’t even primp. He doesn’t even tweeze.”

Meanwhile the girls are all squatting the same way they do when they take a shit, which in itself is a pretty weird way to take a shit, mind you, and talking about which primped, tweezed boy from the magazine is hotter, the one with the pouty lips or the one with the beautiful legs.

Well, enjoy your naive glory now, youth of Japan. Someday you’ll realize that you’re just a rehash of this.

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