Went to Nagoya alone today for two reasons: 1) To see the band OGST, who I am recently obsessed with and who rarely play out (it would seem), and 2) because a guy called Rob was having an art show/birthday party at Misfits and he asked me to come and play a few songs, even though we’ve only met twice and barely talked at all both those times.

I was misinformed about where to be and ended up alone for awhile at a completely different bar. I also accidentally bought two train tickets to get there because I’m a complete space case now. I was probably thinking about how I wish my life was a lot different than it is right now, since that’s usually what I’m thinking and it usually distracts me a lot from functioning like a normal human.

A guy showed up by random chance and told me OGST was on at a different bar at that exact moment. I dashed out, onto the train, off the train, and into the right bar, only to find that they were already finished. BUMMER.

The rest of the night I was sort of hauled back and forth between the two bars. I played at the first bar, which was apparently having an open mic night, met a strange American girl who kept assuming things about me, then became strangely flirty and then said “Oh, my boyfriend over there is gonna kill me.”

When I got back to the second bar to play for the guy’s birthday, the guy was just starting a fist fight with another guy. They were both drummers, so there was a lot of hitting. Funny Gregfact: I can’t stand to watch violence, despite all the violence I watch. A guy killing his zombified girlfriend with a chainsaw is all in good fun, but for some reason seeing a fist fight will ruin my whole day.

I waited for awhile as drunk people played drunk songs, then got pulled on to do my set. In spite of all the disappointments of the night, I was pumped and ready to go. I was counting off the first four clicks of “Bondage, Baby” and feeling good about it, when Rob, the birthday boy goes “Wait, hold on Greg. Mind if my buddy steps in and does backup drums for you?” His buddy was the guy he had just been pummeling/pummeled by. He was still bleeding from the eye when he asked me.

Anyway, the drummer kind of ruined my set. He wasn’t grasping the feel of any of my songs. Luckily, nobody seemed to care at that point.

I felt really alienated from everyone the entire night, which granted is due in part to the fact that I was the only one not drinking at all, which is due entirely to the fact that I’m having strange peeing problems and am on antibiotics that may or may not be solving those problems. But I also realized that I feel alienated from just about everyone all the time. The only times I don’t are when I’m at home with friends or family. Megan’s Christmas party was probably the best day I’ve had in months and months. Sometimes it occurs to me that there’ll probably come a time when we can’t all meet like that, or when we’ll never meet again, but that feels kind of wrong, like it’s a mistake. I don’t have confidence that I’ll ever make friends as close as my high school ones (with the exception of a couple college ones), and yet I’m not really talking to anyone from anywhere.