Let me smash your reality, as I do with every successive post.

A lot of things come to mind when one utters the phrase “Japanese food”. Things like “healthy”, “uncooked”, or “basically pulled out of the ground and eaten as is”. Japan’s most famous food, sushi, is–let’s face it–not all that creative. They had fish and rice. They killed the fish, cut it, and put it on the rice. Voila. To make it look more intentional, sometimes they tied it to the rice with seaweed, which they also had in abundance since it lines the entire freaking sea. That said, sushi sure is a healthy choice. If you can stand the taste and the concept, then it’s essentially a perfect food, near as I can tell. But to accuse Japanese cuisine of being healthy would be a massively unjust blanket statement, because let me tell you–monstrosities abound.

There’s a general stereotype both in Japan and in America, that Japanese food is healthy and leads to long lifespans, while American food is fried or consists only of hamburgers. And yet it’s in Japan that we see horrific inventions like the Pizza Hut Double Roll Pizza:

If the picture isn’t clear enough, it’s a pizza covered with mini-hamburgers and green beans, and the crust is stuffed with cheese-covered hot dogs wrapped in bacon. Sure, it’s an amalgam of American ideas, but blown out of control. An American would never buy this, unless it was done in irony, which young Americans seem obsessed with at this point.

Well, today at the supermarket I also found some ham-egg tempura, which is exactly what it sounds like. They’ve taken a hard-boiled egg, placed it on a big slice of ham, and deep fried the whole lot of it, forming a sort of precious jewel of cholesterol.

Forgive me for not having a better picture. It’s in the bottom left.

You’ve got to hand it to them for solidarity of concept. No use halfwaying it. Once you’ve wrapped an egg in ham, you’re already in for a cholesterol bath. Might as well get into it.

Then the other thing I found today probably isn’t that unhealthy, at least not in comparison. But it was kind of weird, so I might as well post it while I’m here.

It’s just a juice box, but it’s filled with “The Power of Black Vinegar”. It’s also got honey and apple juice added for flavor, but officially, it’s black vinegar that you drink. So curious was I that I actually went and bought some. Tasted like vinegar and apple juice, with just a spot of honey. The box recommends you drink black vinegar everyday, but I think Kool-Aid says the same thing about Kool-Aid.

Come to think of it, I suppose you’ve got to fault America a little for coming up with the “Ecto Cooler”, which for some reason has long outlived the popularity of the Ghostbusters franchise.

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