Epic Humor Fail at Japanese Bar

I was at some bar I’d never been to before with the bartender of another bar and another guy, and the topic of confessing one’s feelings to a girl came up.

“Greg,” one of them asked, “What’s a cool way to do it in English?”

I thought about it for awhile, but couldn’t think of a single serious answer. So I went with the old standby. “Well, this is far too corny to use in real life, but sometimes you hear the line ‘You complete me’ in movies and stuff. But I can’t stress enough how corny this is.”

“‘You. . .complete me,'” he repeated, stars glistening in his eyes. “You know, I like the sound of that! That’s really nice!”

“Yeah, well just remember what I said about it being co–”

“‘You complete me.’ I believe I’ll use that!”

“Oh, or another one you could use is ‘I have protection.’ That would be the better of the two, I’m quite certain of it.”

“I don’t get it.”

“Well, it means you have a condom.”

“. . .”

“Yeah, it’s supposed to be funny.”

“So you’d say that to a girl you liked?”

“Well yeah, I guess. I mean, it’s a joke.”

“Japanese girls would find that unattractive.”

“It’s a. . .right. But–”

“But ‘You complete me.’ Now that’s classy. I think you may have something there, Greg.”

I let it go at that, but surely nothing could mask my disappointment. I chalked it up to cultural differences yet again, but is that really what it was, or was it just not a funny line? I was going for one of those, so-bad-it’s-funny pick-up lines, like the infamous “Nice shoes” one. But it only works in response to the question “What’s a good way to express my feelings to a girl?”

Can someone back me up that it was decently funny, or am I on my own?

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