Capital Taunts for the Deeply Engrossed Squirt Gun Commando

1. “I’m drier’n John Wayne’s whites in the heat of the Alamo over here! And he’s cool under pressure!”

2. “Eat water!”

3. “H2OWNED, cocksucker!”

4. “Get off my plane. . .of existence!”

5. “I’m drier’n Bill Murray in a wigwam over here!”

6. “Super Soaker?! More like Super Joker, the punchline being that you missed!”

7. “Are you aiming, or laming? ‘Cuz I’m drier’n Ronald Reagan’s socks over here! And he dead!”

8. “Where’d you learn to fire that thing, Sergeant Dry-Dry’s Academy for Missing?!”

9. “Have at thee, thou unscrupulous ninny!”

10. “Just think: If not for the signatures of a mere handful of powerful men, you and I might have been comrades. Perhaps a pact is in order–whichever one of us survives this will send flowers to the other’s wife. Farewell, my foe. Farewell, my comrade.”

11. “I’ve been using pee-pee all the while.”

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